I explained to my wife on the way out the door that I always get anxious before events.  She said, “but you’re so good at meeting new people and talking with them, I just assumed you enjoyed it.”

Actually, if I let myself focus on it, I’d probably have a panic attack before each event like the one Wednesday night, IgniteRaleigh.  In truth, I’d rather be on the stage than mixing with the people in the audience.  Not that I don’t like people, I love people, I just get anxious when I have to meet people I don’t know.

“It makes me super nervous to go to these things.  But I make myself go.” I said.

Am I Like You?

I imagine I’m like a lot of people in IT.  We’re more comfortable behind the LCD than out meeting people.  That’s one of the reasons sales people are sale people, marketing people are marketing people, and executives are executives.  Generally, people do what they are.

So, when we begin the process of moving from one position to another, and we have to get out and meet people and catch up with those we haven’t talked to in a while, it can be frightening.  We’re being asked to do the job of a sales person – but we’re not sales people!

Wednesday Networking Meetings

There are a lot of Wednesdays, when I get extremely nervous about attending the networking group I lead.  It’s a group I formed.  I know almost EVERYONE there (except the new people).  Most of them have no interest in whether I say the wrong thing – they just want to be out of the house.  Others want leads for jobs, which means they’ll be satisfied if someone says the name of a local hiring company.

But I’ll tell you, I’ve never been bitten at a networking event.  Doesn’t that put it in perspective?  I’ve never lost my job at a networking event.  I’ve never tripped over my shoes on the way in, fallen on my face, while coming in late and disrupting everyone.  Likewise, I’ve never walked away from a networking event without one good contact, lead, or tip.

But I still get nervous, and probably always will.

So how do I get over this?

First notice I said, “How DO I get over this?”  Not “DID”.

Each time I have to do an event or meet a lot of new people, I have to get over this.  These are some of the things I’ve learned.

1) People are generally good. I decided to believe that people are good.  Most people want to help me and I genuinely want to help them.

2) Its on the calendar. If something is on the calendar and confirmed, I have to do it.  The only way out of a calendar appointment is an emergency or value-based-priorities conflict.

3) Baby steps. I love Bill Murray in “What about Bob”.  “Baby step throughout the office, baby step throughout the office.”  There’s a lot less fear involved when you can break something down into manageable pieces.  Getting ready, driving to the location, small talk, each of these is a manageable task.  It’s easier to do these little things until you look up, and the networking event is over, rather than thinking about the big picture.

4) Permission to screw up: GRANTED. What if I say the wrong things?  Who cares?  Many times you’re the only on who noticed anyway.  What if I spill my drink on myself?  First, you’ll be less likely to get bitten.  Second, do we really believe that the people at these events have such high standards that they will shun anyone who spills a drink on herself?  …Also, this shows less if you wear dark clothes.

5) Hack the system. You do it everyday, figure out problems and fix them in the technical world.  Assume the people around you are systems.  I know the interface is clumsy, but work with it.  How is the system powered?  What purpose does it serve?  Does it have bugs?  What does it need?  How can you help?  Who do you know that can help?

Getting out of the Comfort Zone

For most of us, networking is all about getting out of our comfort zone.  We only grow when we get out of our comfort zone and most people have to grow a lot to land the next great challenge.

We may always be nervous about networking events, but the more you do them, the easier it will be to ignore your anxiety.

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